I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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