Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
