sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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