From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
