My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
