i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
jump out the window naked night went bad
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize