What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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