I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
