who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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