I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
