My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
