If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
