I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
