Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
