My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
