the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
