covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
