Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
