so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's the barista slut.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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