I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my being single is dangerous.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize