carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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