i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
