She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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