Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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