Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
