Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
