So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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