A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
