he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
