Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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