I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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