dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she smelled like a LAN party
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
