The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
