She is in my trunk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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