do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
