The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have tasted many bathrooms
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
