I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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