Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
