It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
