I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
