I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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