dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
