u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
