Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
