I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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