I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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