We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
