My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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