We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
