Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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