I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
