I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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