You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
