Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
