he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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