I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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