I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
