That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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