I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
