Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
