I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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