i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
