Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I cannot find my penis.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
